“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and
said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I
observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what
I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to
be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks
and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other.
She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our
marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my
heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that
she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at
it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life
with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and
energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see.
To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had
obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at
the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very
fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she
was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and
was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want
anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested
that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible.
Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t
want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall
how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested
that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the
front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last
days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the
divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both
appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms.
His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room,
then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her
eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling
somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus
to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t
looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young
any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our
marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to
her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the
fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I
didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped
by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses
but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown
bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why
I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To
him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of
his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I
turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last
minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the
sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally.
I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in
my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her
tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to
office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid
any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door
and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a
fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t
divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value
the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I
realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed
to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave
me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked
downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet
of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I
smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run
up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting
CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she
would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction
from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes
of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It
is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an
environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each
other that build intimacy. If you are not in a relationship now, remember this
for the second (or third) time around. It's never too late.
If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are
people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up
